Ways To Turn Down Unwanted Men

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN HE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money. HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE : I must've been given your share. HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE : Your face must turn a few heads. SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE : Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE : Okay, get out. HE : I think I could make you very happy. SHE : Why? Are you leaving? HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me? SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. HE : Can I have your name? SHE : Why? Don't you already have one? HE : Shall we go see a movie? SHE : I've already seen it. HE : Where have you been all my life? SHE : Hiding from you. HE : Haven't I seen you some place before? SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. HE : Is this seat empty? SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. HE : So, what do you do for a living? SHE : I'm a female impersonator. HE : Hey baby, what's your sign? SHE : Do not enter. HE : Your body is like a temple. SHE : Sorry, there are no services today. HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

nice jokes

GoooD MoooorninG !!!!

GooooooD MorninG Have A Nice Day !!!!!!

Driving Styles---(Superb!!)

One Hand On Steering Wheel, One Hand Out Of Window… You Are in SYDNEY … ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** One Hand On Steering Wheel, One Hand On Horn… You Are in JAPAN … ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** One Hand On Steering Wheel, One Hand On Newspaper, Foot Solidly On Accelerator… You Are in BOSTON … ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** Both Hands On Steering Wheel, Eyes Shut, Both Feet On Brake, Quivering In Terror You Are in NEW YORK … ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** Both Hands In Air, Gesturing, Both Feet On Accelerator, Head Turned To Talk To Someone In Back Seat… You Are in ITALY … ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** One Hand On Horn, One Hand On Holding Gear, One Ear Listening To Loud Music, One Ear On Cell Phone, One Foot On Accelerator, One Foot On Clutch, Nothing On Break, Eyes On Females In Next Car, WELCOME TO INDIA

Each day to love

I Love Beer

Two Prostitutes

Two Prostitutes     Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00."

Honorable MEN-must read

Honorable MEN

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"


The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's the story, and they are sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!!!!!!"

Wow he can dance .....

I think he can dance....

Best flash animation in 06!!!!

Best flash animation in 06!!!!

Really Cool Flash Animation

Really Cool Flash Animation

Movies Related to College Life

Movies Related to College Life     Exam == Kalyug, Classes == Kabhi Kabhi Viva == Encounter Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret Examiner == Mrityudata Course == GodZilla Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak Question Paper == Paheli Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz Marks == Ashambhav Paper Out == Plan Cheating == Aksar Last Exam == Independence Day Result == Sadma Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar Fail == Devdas Vacations == Masti Supplementary == Aakhri Rasta

Smart boy

Math's Teacher: If you have   12 choclates and you

Give 5 to Priya ,
3 to Anita and
4 to Kavitha
Then what will u get???? 

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Student: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!  

Mind Blowing Beautiful Cartoon Wallpapers

Mind Blowing Beautiful Cartoon Wallpapers

Celebs Funny Smiles

Salary Theorem…….

Salary Theorem…….

Mix Santa - Banta jokes

Mix Santa - Banta jokes     Titanic was sinking. An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"? Santa: 2 KMs. Englishman jumped into sea. Englishman: Now, which direction? Santa: Downwards! ********** Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators. ********** How did Santa tried to kill a bird?? He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die. ********* Santa: I have swallowed a Kay. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too. ********* Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Santa: U r wrong. It's 1394. ********* Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister." ********* Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM. ********* Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl. ********* A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.   *********     Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else? . ********** An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!   *********** Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor.. *********** Ultimate answer while changing the job. Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job? Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where. ************ Santa and Banta went for a drive. Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not? Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!" ************ Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again. ************ Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing? Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole. ************ Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen. After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat. ************

Indian Story

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.


The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.



Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.




Indian Version:



The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.


The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.



Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.


NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next
to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.


The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?


Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.


Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that

Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .



Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.



Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.



The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support
as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).



Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in West
Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in
the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.


Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway


Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.



Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against
Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.



Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions & in Government Services.



The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and
handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.



Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.



CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '



Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.



Many years later...



The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley,



100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India,


AND

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
grasshoppers,




India is still a developing country?!!!


What a Pity!!!!

Marvelous answer

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor
Of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop,
Who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager
To come to take a look at his car.


The mechanic shouted across the garage," Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,
"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts,
and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money,
when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".

Enthusiastic Salesman

Enthusiastic Salesman     A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. "Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady. The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?" "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady MORAL: Gather All resources be4 working on any project...!!!

Time for some male bashing.....

Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)... Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?  A: Puppies grow up. Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?  A: Because they are...   Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?  A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever. Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit The ground first? A: Who cares?????.....  Q: What did God say after he created man?  A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!    Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?  A: I don't know, I've never seen either.   Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?  A: i) no mind ii) no business Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?  A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...   Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no Intention of driving.    Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?  A: Exchange him!!    Q: Why do men like smart women?  A: Opposites attract.  Pass this on to some women who need a laugh...  And to men who can handle it!

JOKE

Agar aapko lagta hai ki aap
BEAUTIFUL hai,
SMART hai,
CHARMING hai,
CUTE hai,
to
KUTTA paliye
SHER paliye
SAANP paliye,
magar...
GALAT-FAHMI mat paliye.

please Smileeeee

Please Smileeee STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam. TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. FATHER: How are your grades, son? SON: Under water, Dad. FATHER: Under water? What do you mean? SON: They're below C level Girl: What did you get that little medal for? Boy: For singing Girl: What did you get the big one for? Boy: For stopping! [CooL sMS] A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flagpole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustratedtrying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. Amathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds toremove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily. When heleaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! Weneeded to know the height, and he gave us the length!" [CooL sMS] Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Use a pencil `till I get there Why did your sister separate the thread from the needle ? Because the needle had something in it's eye. Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand? Joel: My left hand. Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil! Mad Professor: I have made a new invention! Student: What does it do? Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls! Student: What is it called? Mad Professor: It's called a window.