S/W Engineer vs Doctor vs Priest

A Priest, a Doctor and an Software ENGINEER die and go to heaven, they hear God's voice and it says:

" My dear sons I am really very sorry but the heaven is full and I can accommodate only one of u, so to choose the right person, one by one tell me what u have done in your lifetime.

"The Priest goes up first and says "well God I'm a priest, I am u r humble servant and have spent all my life working to spread your message."

The Doctor goes up next and says "well I'm a doctor and I have helped thousands of people recover from their illnesses"

The SOFTWARE ENGINEER goes up says "well I worked as an SOFTWARE ENGINEER and........",
before the ENGINEER could say anything further, the heaven's gates opened and God came with tears in his eyes and said to the SOFTWARE ENGINEER


Say no more my son come with me, u have already been thru HELL...

DEDICATED TO ALL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS

DEDICATED TO ALL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, a Chemical Engineer
and a Software Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.

The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke. We can check the
rods."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't
think it's getting gas. We shall check the gas tank."

The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something
is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry."
All three turned to the Software engineer and said, "What do you think?"

--
--
--
--
--
--
The Software Engineer said, "We shall get out of the car and get in
Again."

LEAVE LETTERS ( HaHaHa )

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...   1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.  2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee  who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."  3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:  "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."  4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."  5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"  6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."   7. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"  8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."  9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."  10. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."  11. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".  12. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."    13. A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying  for the post.

Funny Video (YouTube)

A realy funny video.
I don't know the language used in the video.

S/W Engineer's daily routine

S/W Engineer's daily routine:

6:30AM : wake up
6:45AM : Tough decision; To bathe or not.
6:50AM : Have To.
9:15AM : Punch in.
9:20AM : Check Mail.
9:25AM : Check Again just in case...
9:30AM : Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea ( 9:45AM ).
9:45AM : TEA party.
10:00AM : Check Mail.
10:05AM : Check again. Can't Believe that no mail has come. Is every body dead or what?
10:20AM : Sudden feeling of loneliness and desperation turn around to look for some body (Any body) to talk to.
10:30AM : Found a guy testing something. Feel real pity for his pathetic, boring and useless existence.
10:40AM : Sudden urge to get some work done and fast. Start looking for the file. (Can't remember it's name)
11:00AM : Boss summons in his office. Bad sign.
11:30AM : How the hell! Am I suppose to remember everything? Why should I be responsible for everything that goes bad?
11:45AM : Try to locate a scapegoat. No body around.
12:00AM : Mood is really bad decide to postpone work till after lunch.
12:30AM : Lunch
1:00PM : Lunch over.
1:10PM : Go for a smoke. Can't even smoke in this god forsaken place.
1:35PM : Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not paid for the cig. The other chap is so foolish.
1:50PM : Mood is good. Decide to go to cool web sites. Real sleazy thoughts.
2:30PM : Feeling real sleepy after such a mammoth mental effort.
2:45PM : Tea Time.
3:00PM : Chat and discuss with colleague on the bad state of the company. Blame everybody for incompetence and laziness.
4:00PM : A guy from testing comes for help.(Jerk)
4:11PM : Try to look busy.
4:12PM : He is asking for a technical help.(Real jerk).
4:15PM : After really making him beg for help decide to take a look.
4:50PM : No solution found. Really angry on the guy for getting myself involved.
4:55PM : Suddenly boss is spotted in the neighbouring area. Try make as much loud noise as possible with some obscure technical jargon thrown in.
5:00PM : Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear.
5:05PM : Blame the problem on RnD.
5:10PM : Check mail. "Yes" a mail has finally arrived.
5:13PM : It's a silly joke and old too. But it felt good.
5:14PM : A quick dash for gate.
5:15PM : Third in punching out.
5:25PM : Reached Room.
5:26PM : TV on. No worth while program.
8:30PM : Still no worth while program. Every body is getting lazy and irresponsible what will happen to this world GOD help us. Curse
government and RnD.
8:45PM : Food arrives. Pretty bad and stinking.
8:48PM : Dinner finished.
8:50PM : Bay watch. At last some quality.
11:30PM : Mtv Grind. Hmm things are looking up.
12:45AM : Today there were really good programs.
1:46AM : Decide to sleep. Tough day ahead.

Law and order Disorder ( fun from american Courts )

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?

WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice, which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?

WITNESS: Oral.

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!

 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 

______________________________________

--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

Wife Missing

Wife Missing A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing." The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?" "A month." "Why did you wait so long to report it?" "Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."

just fred

A local law enforcement officer stopped a car traveling faster than the posted speed limit.

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Since he was in a good mood that day,

 he decided to give the poor fellow a break and just write him a warning instead of a ticket.

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 So he asked the man his name.

 "Fred,"  he replied.

"Fred what?" the officer asked.

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 "Just Fred,"  the man responded.

When the officer pressed him for a last name,

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the man told him that he used to have a last name but he had lost it.

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 The officer thought he had a nut case on his hands and played along with it.

 "Tell me Fred, how did you loose your last name?"

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The man replies, It's a long story so please stay with me.

 I was born Fred Dingaling.  I know, funny last name.

The kids used to tease me all the time.

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 So I stayed to myself.  I studied hard and got good grades.

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 When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

 I went through college, medical school, internship, residency,

 and finally got my degree

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 so I was finally Fred Dingaling, MD.

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 After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream.

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 Got all the way through school, got my degree

 so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

 Got bored doing dentistry and started fooling around with my assistant.

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 She gave me VD.

So,

 I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD.

 Well, the ADA found out about the VD

 so they took my DDS

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 so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS

because of the VD,

 so they took away my MD

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leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

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 Then the VD took away my dingaling

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so now I'm "Just Fred."

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