Black & White? ( Cool Story )

Black & White‏



A White woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a Black man.

Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.

"Madam, what is the matter," the Hostess asked.

"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded.

"You placed me next to a Black man.

I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please, " the Hostess replied.

"Almost all the places on this flight are taken.


I will go to see if another seat is available."

The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later.

"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy class.

I spoke to the Captain and he informed me that there is also no seats in the Business class.

All the same, we still have one seat in the First class."

Before the woman could say anything, the Hostess continued: "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy class to sit in the First class.

However, given the circumstances, the Captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."

She turned to the Black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First class."

At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.

Stupid Q: Smart Ans: !!!

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:



BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon??

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "....And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have ?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman"..

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Yoga Dogs | for 2010 Calendar

Yoga Dogs 2010 Calendar — This wall calendar gives new meaning to “Downward Facing Dog”. The Yoga Dogs calendar hosts a year full of images showing popular dog breeds positioned in classic yoga postures with the help of digital technology. These reworked dog portraits will bend your mind and delight you. You’ve never seen a Standard Poodle in Tree pose? Or a Golden Retriever really nailing Warrior II? The time is now, young yogi. The time is here to laugh and be inspired. After all, if a Pug can hold Lotus pose, so can you! Nama-Sit. Nama-Stay. Apparently, those canine models were never in distress, the creators of the calendar tried to get the dogs as close as they could with yoga moves and then, they used Photoshop to finish the work. It’s really weird, but it’s funny at the same time…It’s even more weird than the Rock Calendar with dogs!

Photography by Dan Borris - As you may have guessed, these photos are fake, there are few people who can execute these yoga moves and I’m pretty sure no dogs can do them. They’ve been “photoshoped” by Dan Borris, a skilled Photoshop expert from Texas, who was inspired by his wife’s, Alexandra, former yoga teaching career. This funny dog calendar is bound to be a hit amongst dog lovers.

` funny sms jOkes `

Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law?

Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!
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A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows ____________________________________________________
Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!

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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: why three?

Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

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A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

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A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!

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What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!

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Girl: I wanna a responsible man as a husband.

Man replies: Dat's me, whenever anyone is pregnant in my neighborhood, they say I m responsible!

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Friend: how many women do u believe must a man marry?

Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Coz the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

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Psychiatrist' s receptionist comes & says There's a man out who says he can make himself invisible.

Psychiatrist: "Tell him I can't see him right now." ____________________________________________________
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it. There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it!

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Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks To be as rich as his child believes To have as many women as his wife suspects..

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Women are like blue jeans, They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

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If u r stressed, you'll get pimples.. if u cry,u'll get wrinkles.. So, y don't u smile & get dimples?____________________________________________________
There are many things in ur life which will catch ur eye but only few will catch ur heart pursue those

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` the best 50 of mUrphy's law `

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

All's well that ends.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

New systems generate new problems.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday.

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

The only perfect science is hind-sight.

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Everything that goes up must come down.

Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request
you to check this..

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run'
he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit',
so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one
icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining
items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not
even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use
the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where
I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Engineers joks (LoL)

Engineers joks




Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

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Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?

A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

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Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

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Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

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Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year

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A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again, It might work...".

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` doctOrs joke `

Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?
Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.
Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.
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Dentist (to the patient): For God's sake, stop making those noises and
waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But u're standing on my foot.
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Doctors son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me
some guidelines of success.
Doctor father: Always, write your prescriptions
illegibly and your bills legibly.
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Doctor: Yes, what is it I can do for you?
Patient : Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends
told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body's blood would go
into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn't anyone say that all the blood
would go into the legs?
Doctor: The fact's your legs are not that hollow as your head is.
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Doctor: Mr. Kishan, you look exhausted.
Kishan: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have
to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
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The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, "I cannot
hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would
like to see?".
"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".
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Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?
Doctor: Use a pencil till I come to see your son.
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Patient: Doctor, I feel there are two of me.
Doctor : Very well, I shall see you, one at a time.
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A fat lady: (To a health expert). Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.
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Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): What is wrong with you?
Patient: I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine.
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): Here, Take this.
Patient: Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right.
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Doctor (to a patient) : you must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine
before every meal.
Patient: Doctor, we've only 3 spoons at home.
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The Mouse, the Frog, and the Hawk (Must Read)

The Mouse, the Frog, and the Hawk



A Mouse who always lived on the land, by an unlucky chance, formed an intimate acquaintance with a Frog, who lived, for the most part, in the water. One day, the Frog was intent on mischief. He tied the foot of the Mouse tightly to his own. Thus joined together, the Frog led his friend the Mouse to the meadow where they usually searched for food.

After this, he gradually led him towards the pond in which he lived, until reaching the banks of the water, he suddenly jumped in, dragging the Mouse with him. The Frog enjoyed the water amazingly, and swam croaking about, as if he had done a good deed.

The unhappy Mouse was soon sputtered and drowned in the water, and his poor dead body floating about on the surface. A Hawk observed the foating Mouse from the sky, and dove down and grabbed it with his talons, carrying it back to his nest.

The Frog, being still fastened to the leg of the Mouse, was also carried off a prisoner, and was eaten by the Hawk.

MORAL : "Choose your allies carefully"

A Policeman Testifies in Court (must Read)

A Policeman Testifies in Court



If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"


A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."


Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"


A: "The officer who responded to the scene."


Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"


A: "Yes, sir. With my life."


Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"


A: "Yes sir, we do!"


Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"


A: "Yes sir, I do."


Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"


A: "Yes sir."



Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"


A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

*********

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" Line -- I think he'll win.

Oxford graduate slept with 900 men in 9 yrs

London: A 28-year-old British woman has confessed that she has slept with 900 men in nine years.

Victoria Betteridge, who comes from Hertfordshire, revealed that her parents were devout Catholics and she grew up in a private girls boarding school where guys were banned before she started to get naughty.

And now, the Oxford graduate has not held back any details of her sex antics.

I know most girls say their first time isn't great, but I couldn't get over how incredible it felt! I'd never had anyone touch my bare flesh before ? it was amazing. I just wanted to do it over and over again, the News of the World quoted her as saying.

Victoria recollected her first affair with a guy named Tom, she said: If we didn't have sex at least three times a day, I felt moody and irritable.

But Tom didn't want to spend all day in bed. He wanted to meet his mates or study for his course. In the end, we broke up by mutual agreement . I think Tom wanted a relationship that was more than just sex.?

She further revealed that she would pick up men from bars for one nightstand.

She said: I didn't care who he was or what he did. All I was thinking about was having sex and feeling good.

I'd go to student bars and clubs, dance provocatively in front of a man I fancied, then ask him to buy me a drink it was that easy. Victoria shrugs.

Most of the blokes thought I was a ?cool bird? and liked the fact I took control and only wanted sex. I regularly slept with at least two guys a week ? sometimes more. But I didn?t feel slutty. I was making up for lost time! Men do it all the time, so why shouldn?t women?? she adds defiantly.

Victoria?s night rendezvous continued after moving into a flat with five girls in her second year.

She said: We'd recommend men to each other. We?d tell each other whether they were good in bed or not. None of us ever got possessive over one boy. we just made sure we all had fun and enjoyed ourselves.

She was also introduced to swinging by one of her friends.

She added: ?We all went to London for the weekend and visited an elite swingers club. It was amazing. Everyone was up for having sex with everyone else.

?The fact that we all knew that?s what we were there for made it feel both hedonistic and exciting. That night, I had two threesomes and even tried group sex. I can?t tell you how many people I had sex with in total, but it was the most thrilling, satisfying, fulfilling thing I?ve ever done.?

However, Victoria insisted that she wasn?t allowed to meet boys by her parents in childhood.

She said: ?People presume I?ve been promiscuous from day one, but that couldn?t be further from the truth.?

While all my friends were going to the cinema with boys or flirting at discos, I was playing Scrabble with my parents, riding my horse or going to church, she says.

My father made it very clear when I turned 13 that boys were not to be a part of my life. He was worried my schoolwork would suffer. He'd sent me to a 7,000-pound a term all-girls school and wanted to make sure I spent my time studying rather than giggling over guys.

Mechanical engineers thinks different ...

Fever Of Satellite Dishes ...